I think writing is still the best way to vent your anger, especially when you're tired of argument. So tonight coming back from Aikido class, I saw my brother playing/fiddling with his iPhone, again. He's been doing that like for a month now, ever since he bought this heck phone. He can't put the phone down for a bloody ten minutes during his meal, that's just how obsessed he's, a slave of iPhone. So, I was saying he should do something else more useful during his leisure time. I know working is tiring, but it still doesn't mean you should only rest and play when you're off work. He couldn't get the idea and so I gave up. Then I said something like I really don't get what youngsters are thinking nowadays, perhaps they're all just nihilists. There my brother retorted that even though I work until midnight everyday, I "looked" enjoying it. And the reason he thinks so? Because I was loading dramas and he thinks I ONLY watch dramas all the time without doing anything practical, either. It seems that he just ignores when seeing me burning the midnight oil for my work, and instead focuses on what he wants to see: I'm watching drama and doing nothing else. Such fantastic accusation. Then he said everyone has their own worries and even though he looks carefree, he still has things to worry about and blah blah blah. And that's when I stopped talking. I think I'm just being nosy, why should I even care about his future, whatever he wants to be, let him be. So yea, I'm not gonna give a rat's arse to whatever he is doing from this moment on. Wasting my energy, time and even saliva, and the return is being thought "you're living well enough, you're living happily, you don't know about how sorrowful I'm". Screw it.

Not that I'm an active blogger, but I still feel a little bad for not update at least twice a month, somehow I admire Sho-sama for being able to update at least three times a month, despite his heavy workload and hectic life. So, here I'm, a short update on my recent life.

After half a year of learning Aikido, my friends and I went for the grading. All of us passed with one passing with credit. Honestly speaking, my performance was really poor in that grading as I couldn't move my feet smoothly and kept stuck at the same spot. I guess I just have to work harder and try to aim for credit in the next grading. It is such a shame to learn for more than half a year but got a mere pass instead of credit. Since being pensive about it isn't going to help, gonna work harder and have better postures.

Oh and finally I went to Malacca with my friend. I've been to A Famosa once when I was in high school, but it was a rather short stay, like half-day trip, so it was good to go again with my friend and explored the city freely this time. Weather in Malacca was hotter than Penang, but the skies were so beautiful. I loved how they looked, so calm and peaceful. I wanted to snap the skies in every photo I took, it was just that beautiful. I really like the atmosphere in Malacca. People there were friendly and helpful, even when we didn't ask for help but just looked puzzled or lost, passers-by were kind enough to approach us and told us the direction we should be heading. Even the shops were kind enough to tell you directions when you weren't buying their stuff, which was really full of hospitality. I love how Penang is, but somehow I think there are places we can improve. I can see how Malacca preserves their culture and environment as well as promoting their unique tourist spots, which I think Penang should work hard on it more. After all, we're the UNESCO designated sites, hospitality is really important. This is from my experience of being a tourist in Malacca, though, I'm not sure how tourists in Penang feel, so maybe can't say much about hospitality.

Then yesterday my friends and I celebrated kyoxion's birthday and we're glad that he seemed happy about the presents. :) We chose this restaurant called Italiannies and they had these staff marched to us bringing our cake. It was so hilarious cause my friend was forced to talk through a bottle of tomato, using it like a mike. The head of the staff even asked my friend to sing a song which didn't work out after all as we also ran out of idea what song my friend should sing. The way the staff celebrated customer's birthday just took us by surprise. I'm glad I'm not the one who's celebrating birthday there. I would be so embarrassed to be treated like that XD;; After the dinner, we went to watch The Avengers, the most anticipating movie since the beginning of this year. It was good, consider the humour and actions and all. I just love the way how Robert Downey acted, so amusing and entertaining. <3

Oh I nearly forgot, did I mention that the Japanese analyst from China was leaving the end of this month? There are only two of us who handle Japanese checks in this company, with her going, I'm left alone now. My supervisor told me that you've the authority and power of being the sole Japanese analyst now and so on, I don't know how should I feel. Not that I'm worried I can't cope with the workload, it just feels more natural to have someone to back you up instead of being the only one. But oh well, let's see when the company will hire another one.

My Malacca trip spent a fair chunk of my salary and now I'm waiting for the next pay day. XD; It was good though, so far. Gonna resume my English class soon after a month of hiatus. I plan to take up a yoga class on Wednesday, too. That's all for now, til then!

I remember when I was in Japan, I had some little conversations/discussions with my Japanese boss. He was a rather decent man, I can say I respected him a lot. I remember I told him once that there are things that no matter how one extends his arm, they are always beyond ones reach. He disagreed, retorted that that's because they don't extend far enough. I was quiet, cause I didn't know how to explain to him. He was optimistic, which I think is a positive thing to be. Being hopeful, believing in how great ones future can be if they keep trying. That's a good interpretation of dream, really, as long as it doesn't involve other people in it. If your dream involves some people in it, it's harder to be positive when you're the only one dreaming about it. We can do whatever we want, whatever we can, as long as we're the one who's responsible for the things we did. With the involvement of others, though, it's a totally different thing. What you seek for, what you dream for, it might be just you alone who is imagining that view, it's not shared with the other, even though you thought and expected that's shared with and would be reciprocated accordingly. That's a major failure in comprehension. Come to think of it, it was a mistake to have that dream at first. It was a mistake to think people share the same dream as you do. I'm not fond of those memories, but those are memories that i can never forget. I'm even sure that I'll carry them to my grave.

People say they're hurt because of what you do, but even when they realise they are the root of your hurtful behaviour, they still don't take action to amend it. Do you really care? Or maybe I'm supposed to take up whatever comes to me, and continue to hope that this will end when I'm gone? I don't know. I don't know when is the right time to feel hurt and when is the right time to tell someone off. Being cold is my only defence, being quiet is my defiance, it's also the way how i avoid arguments. That's not the correct way, but I can't help when the other one can't be bothered to compromise. There is only this thing I can be sure of; don't ever, ever wish for something you have never really put effort into, especially in terms of building a relationship. I understood what you did to me, that might come from your background, your sad childhood memories or whatever. All my life, I've been reminding and convincing myself to not expect too much and not take things for granted even when that's something what normal people are doing. And in return, would you please understand my coldness and quietness? Don't expect too much of me, that's only so much I can do. Don't expect a great relation between us, we never are really that intimate, aren't we. Now I no longer long for the closeness we could have had, it's time for you to learn how to let go. I won't beg for your forgiveness, it'd be best we just keep living as separate entities, like we've always been. I used to love you, until when the love worn out and the coldness invaded my heart and now, it's eroded so much I feel sick about love. Let's just be in peace.